fvkparker:

You speak French now as well? Full on know your way to a guys heart. I’ve hit this dilemma wherein I’m not entirely sure if you’re being serious with me right now. Like, I’m hoping that the reference to knitting was just purely an example. But if not I guess we could always work on turning knitting into a cool thing. Then again, the whole ‘I’m better than you’ thing is kind of over-rated now anyway, like, lets be real, who really gives a shit if someone has a few more contacts in the phone book or whatever — you know half of them have never been dialed.

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Oh no, I don’t knit… that would just be? Yeah… Okay, maybe I do knit… just a teensy bit. But my mom is a designs clothing so I’ve picked it up from her—upon other things. I may have got the wretched knitting hobby from her, right? But she’s also though one who enlightened me with a few French phrases. Which apparently is the way to your heart—or a guys heart, I mean. You said guys, not your heart! Not that I wouldn’t…

fvkparker:

I don’t know, I quite like the sound of ‘Jess cool’ to be honest. S’the sorta thing I can go writing on my college applications when they ask what qualifications I have, it’s a sure fire way for my acceptance. Who even needs stuff like maths and English anyway? Might even be enough for me to become a shrink, you never know.

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It’s all good, I can live with being the cool mum, it’s a slight fraction better than being the embarrassing dad with the sixty’s dance moves and receding hairline.

Au contraire, my kind of cool is the kind that knits on the weekends and that’s way less accepted than just your standard cool—you know, really it’s not even in the same league. Not that it wasn’t sweet of you to say, or anything, gosh. I’m flattered you think ‘Jess cool’ could get you into college even if you’re only joking. Well, I’ll tell ya one thing’s for sure, your hair line isn’t receding—I don’t think it ever will, you have a nice head of hair, not to sound forward or anything.

But I’m not sure of your dance moves. So you’re like, one foot in, one foot out as far as that goes for being an embarrassing dad.

fvkparker:

Psht, it makes me so cool like. I’m hip and down with the kids my age, ‘waddup’ and shit… yeah, no. But, if that’s the case, I reckon I’d make a kick-ass psychiatrist someday. Making myself seem more socially awkward than anyone else just to make someone else feel that slightest bit better than themselves. Does it count if I don’t feel embarrassed by my actions though?

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Well, I’m not what you’d consider ‘hip’ either… at all. So even me saying I think you’re cool just means you’re, like, ‘Jess cool’ which isn’t really cool because… I am… not cool. A psychiatrist with a twist, you should really take that on. Really put your punchlines to the test there. It does count for the other person even if you don’t think you’re embarrassing. For instance, you know, “cool moms” never think they’re being embarrassing, but we both know they are 95% of the time. It doesn’t matter that mom ‘thinks’ she’s cool, her kid still gets embarrassed either way. Oh my God. I’m sorry—I’m so sorry! Oh I didn’t mean to call you a cool mom which I totally just did, sorry.

fckchantel:

Toy Story is life. The three little green aliens were my favorites.

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The three little green aliens scared the bajesus out of me!

fvkparker:

I think most of my issues stem from the fact that I fall asleep watching Aziz Ansari comedy specials. My mind seems to think it’s socially acceptable to break out some of his punchlines in awkward situations and they tend to only make things more awkward for me. Apparently you shouldn’t say ‘and I’ll suck dick for cookies’ in the earshot of skeevy looking men.

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That’s so brave of you, though. I would never do that—or anything that could potentially go wrong, really. When I’m in awkward situations I usually just laugh a lot and blush which is more embarrassing than it sounds. Or I tend to ramble a lot and that’s worse. No offense to you or anything, but you make me feel better about myself. Pretty awkward to just blurt an Aziz Ansari punchline.

fckchantel:

iPhones are great, but horrible with their battery life. And those cases that recharge the phone are expensive and ugly as hell, so I would never use those. That’s why I just bring my charger everywhere I go and pray that there’s on outlet. Your name’s cool, it reminds me from Jessie from Toy Story, and I’m pretty sure everyone likes Toy Story, so.

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Right? They’re so bulky? What an eyesore. Wow, I’m totally doing that from now on. It’s like, at some point, you’re gonna find an outlet anyway, right? Good idea. Toy Story was in my top 5 as a kid, actually.

fckchantel:

You could’ve just kicked him in the balls. I mean, that’s probably what I would’ve done. And don’t cabs have numbers that you can call so you can get them to come to you? Next time, try that. I’m Chantel.

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Ugh, but, while, I’m mad at him for acting so un-mannered, I could still never just do that to someone—well, I take that back. If someone hurt my mom, I would. Actually, yeah. I would knee him where it hurts. Oh, that’d be lovely if my phone weren’t dead, stupid iphones die so darn fast. Your name is pretty, I envy it. Mine is super boring. And my mom is a fashion designer so you think I’d be named Anastasia or something fabulous, right?

ffszena:

Oh, you’re no fun. I could whistle, yup, but it sounds like a bird dying. So, I don’t think that would be much help.

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Might as well just make friends with that homeless man over there. I don’t see myself catching a cab anytime soon. Thanks for your help, though, really.